RDWRXWXIX roman random number. (second chapter of the story of the dude in the basement)

So, a man in a basement was trying to anihilate poetry while talking to some kind of rodent.

-You know?- he said - you know what happens?, I mean before you lose it, before you go down and lock yourself up forever in a basement.

- The first thing you lose is compromise. At the end of commitment you start to sense certain pointlessness, but you still have the FAITH. Then you question THAT too, and you leave it. That's when you realize, kind of ironically, that useless knowledge you've aquired is indeed useless and see how it's all about drifting, not just sailing, not even moving, just immobile chaos. All this senselessness, this lack of meaning, it's all what life's about. For at that moment you still recognize there's something as life. - He pronounces this with absolutely no sadeness nor feelings.

-But there's more, because somehow you're still attached to all of this. All those thiss and thats and theres are evidence of some kind of hope you still keep that somehow it's all going to turn out as meaningful. And you start thinking about this hope and what it really is, and where does it come from, and why is it still there. And you understand that that hope is just a pure version of that lost FAITH you thought you left. And you repent, and you recapitulate and you see now that the thing you should have thrown was all that knowledge, all that stupid ¿wisdom?. It never took you anywhere because you weren't even moving. - Still no emotions.

- The FAITH didn't take you anywhere in particular neither, but it was clearer. Maybe deep down you know that it's still very probably meaningless. But also deep down, maybe deeper down you are sure that deep down has never been guarantee of anything at all, so it's not about meaning, at least not right here right now, 'cause you're not anywhere, not even moving. -The mouse is not paying attention.

-Not so deep down, near the surface, even in the surface, even everywhere, it's confusing, pretty unclear and unclarifiable, so reason doesn't take part in the discussion, neither control, because there are just two paths to react, to ways to take, and you don't want to hear them because both of them are about ignoring, hiding and repressing. Both are about lying. Both are about locking yourself down forever in a basement.